Sometimes you go for a peaceful day on the river and not much happens. This is when you need some Small Streams Bread.

430g flour
340g water
1 or 2 tsp dried yeast (or a packet) or 10g fresh yeast (from Sainsburys - freeze the 99.99% you don't need)
1g - 4g salt (to taste)

Mix everything with a fork or a mixer or your hands if you don't mind getting sticky gack all over them. Leave for a bit to rise, preferably in a warm spot. Don't bother kneading it. You can do this the night before and just leave it in the fridge.

Once risen, cover your hands and everything anywhere close to you in cheap olive oil and splosh the dough into a tray roughly the size of a Small Streams Landing Net. Make sure the tray is well oiled. Might as well make sure you're well oiled too, because you probably won't catch much.

Push the dough out to the edges with your knuckles.

Cover with cling film and let rise again for a bit (I use 45min to an hour on both risings). Hold your hands out like you're a piano maestro about to start a concerto and dink the surface of the dough so that it looks dimpled. Cover with slices from one large onion, thyme, drizzled olive oil and a sprinkle of salt.

Bake at 225 C for about 20 - 30 minutes (basically, until it's done).

Cover with greaseproof paper and take to the river bank and use as a marker for where you left the bottle of fizz wafting downstream on the end of last years' plastic line.

When you've blanked you can sit on the river bank eat bread, drink champagne and throw little bits of bread in. At least you'll get to see them rise to something you made..

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Wanted: A polarised monocle.

That made me laugh. An idyllic picture you paint there!

:-)

If you do blank, you need a good sense of humous on your small stream:

Strain some chickpeas, keep the liquid. Add a clove or two of garlic and a few dashes of average olive oil some salt and whizz them to a chunky paste. Add tahini to taste: about a tablespoon per tin. Add liquid to get the consistency you fancy. Whizz quickly. Add lemon juice, garlic and more olive oil if you need, Whizz. Taste. Add anything else you need to taste. Whizz. Tip into a bowl and splash expensive olive oil on the top. You can change the order of this, but just taste as you go.

Quicker than getting it from a a shop..

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Wanted: A polarised monocle.

Small Stream Humous doesn't scan though!

Now I am hungry.