Hello all. Been a lot written recently about so called fishing celebrities, T.V stars, fishing presenters etc so I thought you might like Donny Donovan's take on them.

The angling celebrity

I’ve never been that impressed with the word celebrity and even less impressed with people who think of themselves as celebrities. Being a celebrity means that you are, apparently, famous, but famous for what? You could be famous for being a complete ******** but does that make you a celebrity? No, not necessarily but the number of times that the words celebrity and ******** are used in the same sentence is probably more than just coincidence.

It has become quite a fashionable thing to fly fish on the Hampshire chalkstreams and lots of these so-called celebrities now frequent the riverbanks although many are there to be seen rather than to fish. To fly fish has become very cool and a great thing to have on your c.v. making excellent party talk. People often make the mistake of referring to these people as celebrity anglers and not as they truly are, angling celebrities. There is a big difference. Celebrity anglers – so called professional fishermen who are on television, video, front cover of magazines and some of whom are a little too keen on the sound of their own voices – are a thousand times worse than any angling celebrity.

I have been witness to the making of many fishing programmes and seen plenty of these angling gods in action and can assure you that some of them are not quite as brilliant as they would have you believe and the cheating involved to get the necessary action shots would make hardened fraudsters blush. The current sudden trend of reality television should include a fishing programme where the celebrity angler fishes all day and catches ****** all, which happens to us all. The final scene should be him walking away from the river trying to convince himself that catching fish doesn’t really matter and that there’s no such thing as a bad days fishing. Yeah right, make great television wouldn’t it? As it is, I have seen the vast expense required to support the teams behind the angling guru meaning that they can’t afford to have many fishless days. I have seen the immense pressure on the angling guru to magically catch fish as a man with a clipboard shouts “action!” I have watched these people on the riverbanks and would challenge the accuracy of both halves of their ‘celebrity angler’ job description.

The angling celebrity on the other hand, is usually not particularly bothered by not catching fish. For them it’s more in the £500 tweed jacket that being a fly fisherman allows them to wear. It’s being able to park their Range Rover in Knightsbridge with the magnetic rod holders still fixed to the roof. It’s being able to tell the magazines that they can be found fly fishing whilst relaxing between projects. With the angling celebrity it’s not initially about catching fish although for the ones that live through the two-year honeymoon period, that inevitably comes and where they begin to appreciate the need for different skills and that those relevant to being a celebrity, i.e. knowing which camera to smile at, are of no use in the pursuit of trout. If they last long enough to arrive at this moment in their fledgling fishing career, then they might have every chance of becoming real fishermen.

Angling celebrities that have become real fishermen are some of the best rods and my favourite to fish with. At first it was a little off putting being with somebody so recognisable, a bit like fishing with a spitting image puppet but once the initial curiosity wore off you very quickly realise that they are just the same as everybody else which is exactly how most of them want to be and probably half the reason why they are on the riverbank in the first place.

I could tell you some fantastic stories about all manner of famous people although of course the majority of the good ones worth listening to don’t necessarily show them in a good light and whilst suing a river keeper might not be good for the image, it’s still a possibility that I daren’t mess with so I’ll tell a tale with a happy ending. One of my season rods phoned me to explain that he couldn’t make it on a certain day and he was sending a guest instead adding that I would instantly recognise him, as he was a very famous celebrity. Before he told me the name, my mind was already made up and I was quite obviously not going to like him and made a deliberate point of feigning uninterest as he proudly revealed his name. “Geoffrey Palmer,” he said, as I remained silent. “You know, Geoffrey Palmer, he’s always on TV, he was in ‘Butterflies’ with Wendy Craig.” After a further ten seconds of silence which undoubtedly broke his spirit I replied, “Ahh yes, the bloke who’s in ‘Only Fools And Horses’, I know who you mean.” “No, no, that’s David Jason you’ll know this man when you see him he’s really famous. He’s coming next Tuesday, I’ve given him your mobile number.”

I felt confident that I’d burst his ‘I know a famous celebrity bubble’ and didn’t give it another thought until Tuesday arrived and my mobile (as ever kept down the front of my underwear) rang and vibrated giving me the only pleasure I can get from the bloody thing. “Hello, this is Geoffrey Palmer. Are you Donovan?” I thought for a second of telling him that he had just made my *******s tingle but decided to play it cool. “You must be Palmer, I’ve been expecting you and no this is not Donovan it’s Martin Donovan or Donny to most people.” “Oh I’m sorry Donny how very rude of me, I was told that your name was Donovan. I’m outside your house and just wondered where I should park.” Well, I felt a total miserable, rude, arrogant git as I walked over the front lawn and across the lane to where he was standing alongside his car with his hand outstretched towards me. We both apologised about twenty times and awkwardly talked about his journey down, the weather and other pointless things. He is one of those people that you almost love within a few seconds of meeting and would bet that he has absolutely no enemies. I told him to go back up the lane for fifty yards and turn hard right into the field and park alongside the fishing hut. “Be a bit careful when you turn in because it’s very tight and there’s a big metal gate post on the hedge line.” He glanced down at his very nicely gleaming car and quietly said, “God, what happens if I hit the gate post?” “Oh I shouldn’t worry about it. It’s a very old post and it really needs replacing anyway.” He went to get in his car, realised what I’d said, wagged his finger and smiled his famous smile. From that moment, celebrity or not, Geoffrey Palmer and me got on like a house on fire and as we drank our coffee, I felt like I’d known him for years and we were going to be best buddies.

We had a great day on the river and although it sounds like brown nosing, he is an excellent fly fisherman and has renewed my limited faith in angling celebrities. He has that same fascination for the rivers as I do and was very interested in everything in and alongside the water and told me that one of his biggest regrets was that he started fishing relatively late in life. We wandered down the little river and the barrage of questions made me feel like a schoolteacher with a new, eager young pupil who still had that wonderful enthusiasm that usually, sadly fades with age. He was very keen to learn about our nymph fishing techniques for salmon and sea trout so we set his rod up with a weighted nymph although as it was the middle of May, we also took plenty of dry flies in case there was anything rising. After one or two demonstrations with the weighted nymphs, he took the rod and fished a few of the breakwaters as we walked downstream. When we got to the navvies shovel, a beautiful breakwater about two thirds down the little river, he hooked a magnificent sea trout of about five pounds and once again that fantastic childlike enthusiasm shone through. We went a little further down and sat on the old hatches of the cottage hole pool and watched the Mayfly begin to break out on the water’s surface. The weighted nymph was taken off, leader changed and Grey Wulff tied on and we slowly edged our way back upstream with him asking what every other plant was and me as usual making the answers up if I didn’t know.

We caught some chub, a few beautiful little wild brownies, one or two dace and most spectacularly of all – another sea liced sea trout all taken on the dry fly. It really was a great day, one of those days that as a ghillie you can only dream of and one of those days that only rarely happen. When we got back to the fishing hut we had a cup of tea and a sandwich and sat talking about the Nursling beat, salmon fishing in Scotland, the problems facing salmon at sea, etc etc. Not once did he talk of television, stardom, celebrity or of any other fame related stories. He was quite content sat in a fishing hut eating a cheese sandwich talking to the keeper about fishing things.
I like Geoffrey Palmer; he has made me think twice before prematurely marking somebody down as a probable ******** because they have a recognisable face. When we shook hands and said goodbye, I very nearly called him Geoff although in hindsight, I think that was me getting a bit carried away because at long last, I’d found a really nice celebrity.

Donny Donovan 2005

Reg Wyatt