BBC Scotland News reported this morning that 200 officers in full riot gear attended a disturbance in Knightswood Park. Several dozen shabbily dressed men were observed to be waving their arms around in a threatening manner. They claimed they were a casting school practising with new and secret fishing tackle. The ringleaders are being held in Carstairs State Hospital and the others are under guard in various hospitals throughout the West of Scotland. One police officer is reported to be injured after his baton was attacked by the head of one of the ringleaders.

‘Howzit hingin big man, it’s a while since ah’ve seen ye?’

‘Just living a quiet life Wullie. Fancy a pint?’

‘Well ah’ve nothing else tae dae so this is oan me. Ah ken you auld boys ur no very weel aff these days’.

‘Your a gentleman Wullie’.

So settled down with some refreshments I asked Wullie if he knew what had happened at Knightswood Park.

‘It’s aw acos o this Higg’s Boson thing. The fishing tackle makers wur oan tae it long afore the scientists an’ huv developed new rods an’ reels an’ lines yasin it. Noo the thing is that this Higgs thingmy hiz nae mass meaning that it weighs hee-haw so ony tackle made without it weighs nothing. An’ inty the bargain is the fact that acos it weighs nothing it’s invisible so jist imagine whit that diz fur tackle’

‘Doesn’t bear thinking about’.

‘So Sage an’ Hardy an’ Scott an’ the ithers yased it fur thur new tackle lines. Bit some thoat it wid be best wi’ a modified pi meson an’ ithers yased a mu meson. Skakespeare wiz rumoured tae be chingin’ quarks frae up tae doon an’ left tae right’

‘The furst wan went tae a weel kent castin’ instructor in Glesky. He said it wiz the greatest thing since sliced breid an’ asked fur a few mair samples’.

‘Then he turned up at this casting club meetin’ wit hum an’ let the ither huv a shoat. Afore ye ken it they wur throwin’ lines seeventy yairds wi’ nae effort. Bit whit the polis didn’y unnerstaun is that these men didn’y huv nothin’ in thur hauns – it wiz the new an’ still secret rods an’ reels and lines’.

‘An easy mistake to make’.

‘So the polis jist waded in thinkin’ thur wiz a riot gaun oan’.

‘As I said, an easy mistake to make’.

‘Ah’m tellin’ ye this is gaun tae be the next big thing fur ony fisher that waants tae be up tae date wi’ the best tackle. The only problem is that the troot dinny seem tae ken onythin’ about atomic physics an’ wull no take a flee that they canny see. Bit ah’ve nae doot that thur wull be a wye fund roondaboot it an’ ony day noo we’ll aw be staunin’ castin’ wi’ nothin’ in oor hauns that weighs nothing. Fish aw day wi’ nae effort’.

‘But what will bystanders think when they see men at the side of a loch or river with apparently nothing in their hands,waving their arms and catching fish’.

‘ Never mind that. When did ony fisher ever bother aboot whit folk thoat. Ah’m tellin’ ye ah waant some o’ this tackle’.

‘So then we’ll really be paying something for nothing’.

‘That’s aboot the size o’ it’.

‘And what about all these men on the forum who print a list of their tackle as a signature’.

‘Jist think, if ye print nothin’ efter yur name that means yuv goat the new tackle’.

‘Confusing isn’t it. And what about the casting instructors’.

‘Dinny worry aboot them. Casting never hud onythin’ tae dae wi’ fishin’ onywye’.

Priceless! Do you all really have to go after the referendum? You will all be sorely missed. No doubt about it.

richard

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Who resides on the right bank of the Derbyshire Wye and is lulled to sleep each night by the mutterings of a weir, dreaming that "When the rivers and their inhabitants come first, we ALL win..."

We're no goin anywhere. It's you lot that are goin.

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Keeping the Faith