Hi Icky, A good effort I think
Mine is in no way the perfect fly, but you can hopefully use mine to direct your tying. It is all about proportions. The biot actually looks good. Keep thread warps to a minium and, if needs be, build up a taper with thread to get the shape you want.
For proportions take a look here:
I have segmented into head, thorax and abdomen. 'Tails' are entirely optional and I often do without. If you do tie them, keep them short and wispy.
Notice the length of the thorax (not the wing). It is 2/3 to half of the abdomen. The wing sweeps back naturally.
Use a little more CDC in the wing and make the loope a little smaller.
The head is bigger than perhaps on a usual tying due to the binding down of the CDC and the whip finish under the tips. Either way, keep wraps to a minumum - three of frour to bind down CDC tips and then two or three with the whip behind the eye.
Hopefully, if you aim for these proportions, you'll see some changes. If you can, have a go and show again.
You've probably seen this, but just in case:
http://www.riverflybox.co.uk/page6cdcloopemerger.html
Cheers,