Rather than "BUILDING YOUR HOUSE ON SAND" you seem to be building your house WITH sand, as the hook is solid & the thread isn't. Are you using a spigot bobbin holder & is it set up so that the thread comes out smoothly when under a small amount of tension ? I would imagine that you need some practical help, i.e. someone watching what you're doing & is able to correct you both before & when you make these errors. Go to
The FDG & see if there's a branch near you, if so please join it & all the mysteries will vanish.