Re: Fortbhoy
I would just like to thank you all once again! It is a great comfort to come on here and see Stevie was as well thought of on here as he was not only within our family, but the whole community of Fort William! He really was a wonderful person, he was the salt of the earth! One of the things people remember most about Stevie was that he always had a smile on his face. I would like to think that that wasn't always masking the pain he felt and having knew him I know he did have happiness in his life. Unfortunately he suffered from an illness that it is not as accepted as I would like in this day in age and he never sought help for it.
I am thanking all of you wonderful people - some for your heartfelt words of comfort and support, some for your courage in being open and honest in the hope that others will know that it is ok to feel the way we feel and to seek the help we need in whatever form that takes. It has been said recently that we are all on the mental health scale - sometimes life ticks along nicely and other times it is more difficult and in those times of difficulty we need to lean on one another! We need to restore the sense of community, which I have to say seems to be alive and well in this forum so well done to you all! You are each playing your part in making this world a better place!
I would like to clarify that although my name is Jamie, I am in fact a female, but I hope that in no way diminishes my heartfelt outpouring as I too was a closed book and believed that it was weak to be depressed and our emotions were not something we talked openly about.
I was younger when I attempted to take my own life, but the thing I remember most was that I was praying to a God that I didn't believe in to take me away from here and the pain I lived with every day! Whether he heard and answered in a different way I don't know, but I made enough of an attempt to spend 3 days in hospital and it was after speaking to someone professionally that I realised that there is help out there and that I wasn't alone in feeling this way. I'm not saying I was instantly cured as I had a 10 year struggle after this, but at the time I learned that my grandfather had taken his own life and everytime I thought about it, it wasn't an option any longer. However I know people like Stevie who do go through with it are not of sound mind and are not thinking logically like this, so obviously opening up any amount had been my saviour, which was unfortunately something Stevie never did - to anyone! Not his family or even his closest friends and again my plea is that regardless of what you might think people might think of you if you told them that you were struggling to cope and needed to talk, no one would ever think you weak or less of a man or a woman. I'm pretty sure that most people would feel so priviliged to have been able to lend an ear and be there for someone in their hour of need and if anyone on here wants to make it known that that is also how they feel then please do. I know for me to have touched another person's life in such a huge way is the greatest thing I could ask for and I hope for many more opportunities to be able to do so!
I would also urge people on here who are not feeling suicidal or struggling to cope, but feel lonely. They feel unworthy as a person or shy or unconfident or any of these things that stop people reaching out to one another - please also seek help from a counsellor. I've learned more than ever that life is too short to be living at anything less than 100%!!! Each an every person deserves a happy life, often it is ourselves that stand in our own way! Please believe yourself worthy enough of people's time and live every day like it's your last!
I haven't been on here for a while because I have been struggling to come to terms with Stevie's passing and the circumstances and the feeling that I failed him, but I am now trying to stick with the idea that he did not open up or even show any signs, to anyone, therefore I have to accept that there was nothing I could have done and live with the knowledge that I did touch his life and to know that he was proud to call me his cousin and as he has told me and his friends, I was like his sister and he was like my brother and he was a light in my life and although I may have been a dim flicker of a light in his final days because of where he was at, I know there were times when that light shone bright and now that he is in a place of eternal bliss where he can feel no more pain that light between us has returned to its full intensity and he lives on in my heart and my many wonderful memories!
It is not goodbye or goodnight, just bye for now until we meet again!
Fortbhoy's proud cousin, Jamie xxx
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